We are all losing the ones we thought will be with us forever. We might believe that we can or have moved on, but the truth lays where when at some point of the day or night the thought of them suddenly strikes us. Humans, we love may not be with us but something always take us back to the moments of our togetherness, when everything felt simpler and easier. The pain seems to vanish as we indulge ourselves in other things. Days pass and everything falls back into place, but then there are days when the hole inside you feels so raw. When everything comes flashing back when it becomes harder to breathe. You try not to cry and you feel that pain in your jaws from holding back your tears, the lump in your throat makes us feel how much we are holding back. How much we are running away from and the truth is everything is actually not okay. We still miss them and we still want them back in our lives.
Some of us vent out, cry as hard as we can, bring out the pain in us, and that is our way to fill up the hole inside us. And then there are some of us for whom saying out their pain aloud feels harder than keeping it inside. we cannot just shed our tear, put on a bandage, wipe our eyes, and get on. Call us brave, or call us cowards, we never know who we truly are. We don’t get to decide, to hide our emotions or show them. We don’t get to decide if we want to weep or sit aside staring blankly. We don’t cry like normal humans; we don’t get that privilege to do so. It becomes so hard for us, and the pain inside us becomes unbearable. It keeps on increasing with every tear that decides not to shed. It all just keeps welling up, and one day it finally explodes. In alone dark places, we take out all that is inside us, that our heart no longer can keep.
The worst part is that no matter how much we want we never know when our wounds rip open. When the bandage slides off and it aches again, and bring back the memories. the time you lost your best friend, the one you thought was always going to stay suddenly seems a stranger. Or the time when you thought someone was the love of your life makes you realize the real importance of you in their life. Or the time when your mentor or your ideal suddenly vanishes in thin air, in a world, you aren’t even aware of. You are just left with an emptiness, an inescapable pain, a hole that never ever fills up completely.
We may promise ourselves a thousand times that this time it is going to be different, that we will hold to each one that we love, but life, it has a funny way to surprise us. No one can fill that hole in our hearts. Losing them breaks us. Who are we going to tell this, who will make them realize that we miss them and want them to come back, make things as happy as they were?
If you are reading this, and you miss someone, I wish your pain lessen. if you left someone, go back, you might find them waiting. And if you know that the one you love the most is never going to come back, I wish I knew what to say or to tell you what to do with your broken heart, because I pray every day for someone to tell me what to do with mine. I am as clueless as you are, and we share the same pain. I miss them as you do. I wish I could get them back, life with them would’ve felt less complicated.