We are all broken…

We are all broken people with broken hearts, trying to mend ourselves the only way we know-how. Some of us are trying to find our missing pieces in someone else, while some of us are finding it in our work, and some have just given up hope. So, who do we call the weakest, the one who doesn’t think of themselves as worthy of fulfilling themselves on their own, or someone who is overburdening themselves to not think about it, or at last someone who isn’t even trying? Though we all go through the same pain each day. We don’t turn towards each other and rather run away, far away. Instead of being a bundle together, instead of sharing it within ourselves, with the ones who could understand us the same as you understand yourself, we are turning towards strangers. We are turning to non-living things that don’t even know how to fix us. Or we are sitting in the darkness, alone, trying to figure out our holes and filling them up with anything we have left to offer ourselves. We are broken people who are trying to stitch themselves up without knowing how to do it. We are a broken family who didn’t decide to reattach ourselves after everything we went through and rather decided to mend ourselves on our own. And what about those who have stopped in time, and don’t know how to do what you’ve mastered yourself into…

on the verge of tears

I’ve been on the verge of tears for so long
That I feel I’ve lost my tears
And it feels even more hurtful
I’ve been on the verge of tears for so long
That I’ve forgotten why do I wanted to cry in the first place.
What was so hurting, what was so sad
I’ve been on the verge of tears for so long
That my smiles no longer reach my eyes
I’ve forgotten what it felt to be happy from the heart
I’ve been on the verge of tears for so long
That it feels pathetic now,
To look back at everything happy
It makes no sense now
No other feeling makes sense now….

Suffering…

Lying on the bed

Staring at the ceiling

I am trying to hide my tears

I am trying to hide my crying

There were moments when past hurt me

There were moments when present scared me

Overthinking so much that future started haunting

I cried myself to sleep most of the nights.

I lived through the day,

Looking at people smiling

I smile too

Feeling nothing inside me

Day in day out I didn’t realize when

It all stopped when the numbness took over

Everything was better

I stopped crying mostly

But then came the day where it started again

I no longer worried past, present or future

I cried myself to sleep everyday

Without knowing the reason without feeling anything

I now feel trapped

trapped inside my head

Trapped in my feeling

Trapped in my tears

I feel the pain,

Its physically hurting

I want to end it, I tell myself

I want to get over it, I cry each day

Should I let go?

I debated, holding for too long or letting it go. I debated, forgetting or reminding myself about it each day. I debated whether to stay or leave. I debated if I wanted to be my old self or change into a stranger. 

When you stand on a divergent you have to choose, and your choices have consequences. You never know if they are going to be proved better or fatal. I don’t know if I decide to leave today will I be happier or I might end up losing even the smile I have. Each day I ask myself, if letting go is what I really want, If I really want to forget the remnants of memories I have, or if they are the only source of my happiness. I might not ever get the answer to this if I don’t try, but then I ask myself if I really want to try. Blocking my mind from the happiness that fills up my eyes with tears is better, or smiling to the unbearably painful moments. I am at a stage where I don’t know what is going to be right for me and what is that is really going to give me peace. 

If you have the last photograph of someone who is never going to return in your life, someone you are never going to see, will you decide to burn it and move on or watch it each day and smile with tears, raising a toast to the moments that once and will always matter the most in your life. Are you brave enough to let go? Is it really brave to let go? Or is it cowardice that you couldn’t even hold on to your only happy moments just because they turned into the reason for your tears? 

Losing them

We are all losing the ones we thought will be with us forever. We might believe that we can or have moved on, but the truth lays where when at some point of the day or night the thought of them suddenly strikes us. Humans, we love may not be with us but something always take us back to the moments of our togetherness, when everything felt simpler and easier. The pain seems to vanish as we indulge ourselves in other things. Days pass and everything falls back into place, but then there are days when the hole inside you feels so raw. When everything comes flashing back when it becomes harder to breathe. You try not to cry and you feel that pain in your jaws from holding back your tears, the lump in your throat makes us feel how much we are holding back. How much we are running away from and the truth is everything is actually not okay. We still miss them and we still want them back in our lives.

Some of us vent out, cry as hard as we can, bring out the pain in us, and that is our way to fill up the hole inside us. And then there are some of us for whom saying out their pain aloud feels harder than keeping it inside. we cannot just shed our tear, put on a bandage, wipe our eyes, and get on. Call us brave, or call us cowards, we never know who we truly are. We don’t get to decide, to hide our emotions or show them. We don’t get to decide if we want to weep or sit aside staring blankly. We don’t cry like normal humans; we don’t get that privilege to do so. It becomes so hard for us, and the pain inside us becomes unbearable. It keeps on increasing with every tear that decides not to shed. It all just keeps welling up, and one day it finally explodes. In alone dark places, we take out all that is inside us, that our heart no longer can keep.

The worst part is that no matter how much we want we never know when our wounds rip open. When the bandage slides off and it aches again, and bring back the memories. the time you lost your best friend, the one you thought was always going to stay suddenly seems a stranger. Or the time when you thought someone was the love of your life makes you realize the real importance of you in their life. Or the time when your mentor or your ideal suddenly vanishes in thin air, in a world, you aren’t even aware of. You are just left with an emptiness, an inescapable pain, a hole that never ever fills up completely.

We may promise ourselves a thousand times that this time it is going to be different, that we will hold to each one that we love, but life, it has a funny way to surprise us. No one can fill that hole in our hearts. Losing them breaks us. Who are we going to tell this, who will make them realize that we miss them and want them to come back, make things as happy as they were?

If you are reading this, and you miss someone, I wish your pain lessen. if you left someone, go back, you might find them waiting. And if you know that the one you love the most is never going to come back, I wish I knew what to say or to tell you what to do with your broken heart, because I pray every day for someone to tell me what to do with mine. I am as clueless as you are, and we share the same pain. I miss them as you do. I wish I could get them back, life with them would’ve felt less complicated.

Feel strong, because you are!

There is so much for us to do, so many things in which we indulge ourselves and forget what it is like to be ourselves. We become what everybody wants us to become. We focus on what is it that we are lacking, what is it that other people have and we don’t, and then we try to mold ourselves into it, into someone we are not. Many times, our failure in doing so leads us to develop hatred for our own selves. Rather than analysing how we are different; we compare how we can be the same. We develop this feeling of inadequacy that we never overcome. 

Everyone has a personality of their own and that is the only thing that makes them different from the crowd, and making that difference your weakness is neglecting who you truly are. It means turning your face away from your reflection. We are not who other people think or say we are, we are who we believe we are. Humans easily get feelings of insecurities, jealousy, emptiness just because someone else we think is better than us, but everybody makes mistakes at times, has areas of weakness, and things they want to change. Nobody believes that they are perfect because they are aware of their imperfectness, they know where they are lacking, so they cover it up to show the world that they are flawless. 

No matter what your past holds, no matter what burrow your future is in remember that the ending isn’t written and the future isn’t fixed. We are free to change our image, free to mend ourselves, free to mold ourselves into a better version whenever we want. Identify the lies we have believed about ourselves and work on changing them so they’re more accurate and truer. Our feelings are not the same as facts. We shouldn’t live based on them because they will keep us trapped.

It’s in our hands how we take ourselves in. if we keep hating who we really are, or think that we have lost the room for improvement, we will never be able to break our cocoon and spread our wings. If we hesitate in embracing ourselves then no one else will. Hang out with those who see, and who appreciate our worth. And take their words to heart, let them help us in blooming. Our spring is near, hold on tight.

Inspiration: Tumblr

SO WHAT IF YOU FAILED? WE ALL DO.

Untangle your life from all the knots of your failure. Nothing can stop you from being who you are. Your failures, your choices define you no matter how bad they are, they make you the person who you truly are and trust me it’s always for the best. You are here because life cannot be smooth always, you need the crispiness too, and these moments where you feel you are devastatingly lying in the pool of your own sorrow are just the inevitable crisp in your life, like the tomatoes in your burger or the chillies in your lunch that you try to avoid but still swallow. Remember these moments will stay with you just like the burning taste of the chilli…only for few moments until you drink enough water to neutralize it, work hard enough that the taste of failure starts to fade and just the way you don’t know how much sips of water you need, you never know how much hardships you will need, but eventually your life will be sweet again.

It is so easy to feel guilty and depressed when you see how successful other people are, but know that they too have gone through what you are suffering from, they just might be better at hiding it; I mean who wants to showcase the times they fell, but they too were on the ground once like you are now. They were struggling to survive, strangling themselves from the world’s pressure but the biggest thing that they did was to get up and continue. This is what you have to do, even if your knees have bruised from the times you fell or your heart feels that it will explode, just hold on. I am there for you until you gain the courage back to face the world again, until you catch a breath and get up again.

The world is moving fast, but not fast enough for you to lose track of it. You might fail again, start late, but you wont miss the train, I promise. You may get the last compartment of the train but the better part is you are on it, and once you’ve started, in no time you will get on the first compartment, just keep walking. IT’S NOT THE TIME TO STOP, IT’S THE TIME TO KEEP GOING. WHAT IF YOU FAIL? WE ALL DO. AS LONG AS WE DON’T GIVE UP, THERE IS NOTHING THAT CAN STOP US FROM GETTING WHAT WE WANT.